Stress-busters

In today’s highly\ stressed life we all need some stress-busters from time to time. The mean colleagues, moron boss and grumpy fellow commuters, they often get on our nerves and make us wish that we could disappear from the scene of earth.

 

What are your favourite stress busters? Mine are songs, very light, feet tapping songs which simply snap me out of dullness or irritation. Like: Living La vida Loca” by Ricky Martin.

 

When I am in good mood I prefer songs with depth, like Rabindrasangeet or other songs which have deep inner meanings but when I am bored or stressed I hear things which shake my brain and blow the dust out.

 

Next stress-buster is a good, light movie or video clip. I keep a collection  of small clips, funny and cute. They too always snap me out of stress and sadness.

 

Then is a not very available thing. That is company of children. Small toddlers preferably, the ones who  have just started to explore the world on their own. They are the greatest fun to be around if you know how to handle them. They will always fill up their surrounding with a feeling of “well being”. If we can share their joy in mundane day to day things the life changes for atleast a short span.

 

Final one, even rarer is gardening. I love to care for plants, even though I am not a good gardener but taking care of plants relaxes me a lot.  Tilling the soil, de-weeding, sprinkling water on them to wash away the dust… every thing is soothing to me.

Real winners

Life some times throw some interesting questions at us, we often measure the winning of life’s battles by the mean of material wealth, but is it really so? I personally believe that the final treasure which we amass is in our soul, not in our home, and the former treasure is root of all the happiness in world.

 

I have a friend, he is a very honest guy, honest means those copy book honest, who believe in living an honest life and in protesting wrong things. He lives in a remote town, he tried to stop some illegal things being done in his town by some hot shots backed by political leaders. As a result, they tried to crush him down from every angle, they used to threat him, scandalize him, a couple of time physically abused him, in one word, they tried to make his life a perfect hell, he had to leave the town and settle outside west Bengal to earn is living. But still he protests when he sees some thing wrong, whereas his tormentors often boast that if some one dares to protest them his condition will be like him. But I personally feel that they know that they have lost the battle, their only small win is making that guy leave the town, their boasting is bleak and groundless, because they might have called themselves conquerors if that guy had bowed down before them and accepted their corrupted activities without protest.

 

I have a deep belief in the old saying, that honesty pays. In the long run, it’s the honest people who are happy and satisfied. They may get exploited, bulldozed, hounded, but the amount of satisfaction and inner peace they get is worth the trouble. And I also have started to believe another thing that honest people are most scandalized.

Supporting virtue

I recently read a beautiful quote:

 

Virtue is more persecuted by evil than it is cherished by good.

 

It brought back some old memory in my mind, When I first noted the line in the hit wham song Bad Boys .. “bad boys stay together, never sad boys” I observed with a little amusement that he was speaking the truth. Bad people always band together, whereas virtue suffers alone, because good human beings are so self complete that they often forget to lend their hands to others. As they face all storms of life on their own they presume that every one is capable of doing that.

 

Slowly with maturity I started to notice the almost universal mindset among good persons. They almost never flock together. We can see two or three or four together, but they never flock in huge numbers. Even wnen the virtue is being persecuted in the hands of evil?

 

That day I made up my mind that I will stand beside the virtue, clearly, even if at the cost of wrath of the evil. I will change the only person I can, myself.

 

Its been years since I  promised myself to do my bit when I see evil persecuting virtue, by standing by the virtuous firmly, because I am not much of a protesting type, so I lend my support silently but clearly. Till date I have not regretted my decision for a second.

A thief’s heart

I have read it in too many books and too many stories that I started to test its authenticity from quite an early childhood.

 

It did not took me long to realize its authenticity. A thief’s heart is rarely at rest. It is always afraid, partly because it is scared that the true owner will claim and win the stolen property and partly because he knows that it can be stolen from him too. Its not very tough to steal, any one can do it. People don’t steal because they don’t want to, or their conscience does not allow them do it.  Not because they are incapable of doing it. So his heart is always afraid.

 

Then comes the prick of conscience and the fear of punishment. Greed for more adds up with all these.  At the end if we see the stealing takes its price with interest.

 

Nothing is more peaceful and happy than an easy conscience. Its pockets may be empty but its heart and soul is full, brimming.

Happily childless

I dote after children. Have doted after them since my early childhood because they have brought only happiness in my life. I have once brought up a spitz puppy from one month to the day she died, eleven years later.

 

She brought out the maternal instinct in me and I realized how precious that feeling is, and I realized how precious children are to their parents.

 

Well, very frankly speaking I think I am too independent minded and self respecting to marry as per Indian traditional way and too shy to look for a husband myself so I stayed happily unattached.

 

There was a time, till my mid thirties I guess when I used to pine a little for a child of my own. My own born. Then when I notice the horrible speed at which the atrocity against children is shooting upwards I feel happy that I did not bring a child in this violent world which does not love its offspring. I know very well that I would have doted after him or her too much.

 

Since last five years or so I have thanked God quite a lot that she did not listened to my requests. If I ever long for a child I would rather attach myself to an orphanage.

Expressing love

You know which songs I hate most? The old Hindi movie songs which advocated that true love does not uses tongue or actions to express itself.

 

Come on! How will the other one understand it then? By magic or by thought-reading?

 

I personally believe and will always believe that if you love someone you should always let that person know clearly that you love that person and always will. Of course if you don’t want to lose him. Or else you may hide that feeling and see him walk away forever, thinking he does not means any thing to you.

 

I personally believe that unless the chances of meeting are impossible, any sincere person should express his feelings, and any sincere woman should give clear hints of her feelings to her lover and in case of others she too will act just like a man, express herself. In case of love I can certainly understand feminine shyness.

 

By mentioning the term “chances of meeting are impossible” I wanted to say some relationships just don’t or can’t work out, so its better to hide them, instead of expressing them and acting like a fool.

 

When I was a young girl I used to commute in school bus, there was a senior girl in the bus who had a huge crush on Ravi Shastri; she even used to dream of her. That innocent girl used to share her dreams with everyone who used to laugh at her behind her back. Well, she was a student of school so in her case it was obviously childish but we adults also sometimes fall in love with stars, in those cases I would suggest to not express them. Otherwise, one should express one’s feelings as long as its respectable and respected.

Love and religion

Love knows no chain. True love rises above every obstacle. It’s a bond of hearts and souls. And when two heart and soul are bond together they can overcome any obstacle.

But before starting such a journey one should first search one’s soul. Because difference of belief, faith is the greatest reason behind enmity of men. So we should think really well how much we will be able to respect the faith of our loved one, even if it is exactly opposite to ours. Or if their faith makes them do something which is disgusting in our eyes. Say for example, cow is a very holy animal in Hinduism but most of the other religions allow eating them. No orthodox Hindu will eat cow or eat in a utensil which has cooked cow. Well, this is the only example cropped in my mind.

Though I am not a very orthodox person but I wont eat cow and wont feel really comfortable to eat from a pot which has not been washed after being used to keep beef.

A belief with which we are born is next to impossible to shake off. But if two people love each other they can adjust. I have heard Muslim girls giving up beef or even non veg after marrying vegetarian families or muslim men not eating beef at home after marrying hindu girls. The main point is respect for each other’s faith I believe. In case of religion that faith has to be really firm.

They will have to think what they will do if all of a sudden their people of their religions start to riot with each other.

Love and tenderness

Love is tender, because it always gives priority to the feeling of mate. So it wants his comfort more than own comfort.

 

Love is made of tender feelings like forgiveness, tenderness, trust, softness. Real love is always willing to forgive, trust. Till the day that trust is shattered to pieces, but that day love also leaves. Or else it rises above any expectations and touches divine. It lets go even the least expectation from the mate. His betrayal, untrustworthiness no longer matter to her. She loves him just the way he is. But such love is not that common.

 

Love that is not tender and trusting is usually not love, something swinging very close to it but not touching it. It either touches it and becomes complete or dries away with time.

 

No real lover will treat his mate harshly or unkindly, with anger or venom, mistrust or unkindness. When these symptoms start to crop up in some relationship that means love is slipping away from it.

 

People often cling to such relationships to cause themselves greater pain in future.

Love and passion

Passion, romanticism, possessiveness, jealousy…. These all are essential ingredients of a fully bloomed love. Of course human love. There are few people who rise above all these feelings and can love selflessly, I believe in their existence but am yet to meet one. I am quite human, so I will talk about the mortal love not angelic love.

 

These feelings in a controlled and mild dose make love really spicy but if we let them grow they can ruin the love.

 

They are just like grass in a garden, I wont like a garden which has no patch of grass in it. Actually I like gardens which are a mix of natural and human actions. A little touch of nature to feel her grandeur but not too much, because that will choke the delicate plants.

 

Just like that, a little jealousy, a little possessiveness now and then adds the rustic charm to the divine feeling of love. It makes it a little unpredictable, a little fun. But it should never outgrow love itself.

 

Love should be the final say of the relationship.

Love and adjustment

This is the trap where a lot of beautiful relationships fall and die. We think that mutual consent is the end of the struggles of a relationship. Hard days are over, now they live happily ever after. In reality its just the other way round. It is the beginning of adjustments.

 

Two different personalities start to adjust with each other on a day to day basis, or may be on a round the clock basis. They have to adjust to every thing of the other one.

 

If we look at our parents or the earlier generations we will realize that adjustment is not that tough. If both of them try then it can work like magic.  We have to think about the compatibility before starting a relationship, not after going half way through it. Of course if we are the committed type. Non committal persons can walk out of any relationship at any time.

 

If we forget the truth that a relationship is fifty percent love and fifty percent adjustment then we will be soon flying in air without any support underneath.

 

This is one of the main reasons that very passionate relationships often end up in constant frictions. We fool ourselves by not thinking about changing ourselves at all or dreaming that we will change our mate as per our wishes and comfort.

 

Adjustment is the price we pay for true love. The stronger the love is the greater is the desire and determination of adjustment.

Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

Love and money

People often say that money is an important part of life. They often go ahead and preach that once love comes down to harsh reality of daily grind all sweetness evaporates.

 

Is that the truth? If two persons love each other and are completely compatible to each other then their love will survive everything.. I personally believe it from my heart.

 

Of course that love will have to be genuine, deep and mutual. Otherwise the love really will not last the grinds of reality. Then again, how many of the love affairs stand the grind of reality?

 

When I search my own soul the answer is always same, money is not the foundation of successful relationships. Say suppose if I had two choice, one is a person who is rich but does not matches my expectations for a soulmate; the other one is ordinary but compatible to my soul I will pick the second one up without least hesitation.

 

I have seen all colours of life, and after that I have started to believe that money may be need of life, but not essence. Its just the gravy of life, the meat is happiness and satisfaction. So if you are happy and satisfied with a relationship money rarely counts.

Love and looks

It’s a normal human tendency to be attracted to outward covering, a fancy from which I have been luckily spared. Most probably because I am not good looking myself, and have heard too many criticism since childhood. I have stopped judging people by their looks and started to search for inner values.

 

When I mingle with a person I always look for compatibility and then his strength of character. I think these two are more vital for a lasting relationship than bank balance, looks or other things.

 

The same rules apply in case of love too. If I ever take a fancy on a person his looks or money never counts in factors. I count on more dangerous things, nature, character, compatibility…

 

I can understand that its easy to match the criteria of others than mine. I think I am more choosy than them, and my conditions are tougher. Its easy to find a person who looks as good as brad pitt, but to find a person of good character, perfect compatibility is tougher, and equally tough is making them fall in love with you.

 

Hence I cant make up my mind whether or not I will tell others to ignore looks and bank balance. I think we all have our priorities and my priority is soul and personality.

Speech control

Well, though I don’t follow astrology blindly but I don’t feel embarassed to admit that I believe it quite amply and I always check myself.

Leos are infamous for talking too much, talking too much too honestly and bluntly. Fortunately my astro sign is a mix of cautious and sensitive cancer and bold leo. So though I sometimes talk too much but mostly I keep my mouth shut.

My experiences has brought me with too many people who have a strange experties of bringing out the knowledges which serve them, which may be fatal to the speaker though..so many times have I been trapped by these syrupy mouths to say something blunt or suicidal and later regret.

Just wanted to share this thought with you to warn you about these persons who try to dig graves with their tongues.

in the name of love

Even after gracefully crossing my fortieth birthday, this is one thing which surprises me till date.

Love is the most beautiful human feeling, its equated with God, then why do people do the most heinous things in its name? then they give excuses that every thing is fair in love and war. Well, I never believed in that and never will.

If you look around you you will see people killing, cheating, destroying others in the name of love. Is it love? I don’t believe so. To me love means respecting, honoring your mate. Chosing her happiness before yours.. even if it means her being set free. Under no circumstances does love wants to search his her own pleasure. He may walk away from a person if his love is not returned but he will never harass, disgrace or torture her if she refuses to love him.

I believe a huge majority of human beings call lust love. That is the only confusion. If they search their souls they will realize that they are glorifying their lust or passion.

silence talks

We often pick up a belief that to prove ourselves we will have to use words. And in case of arguments or debates these words often become harsh and hurting. Sometimes creating irreparable damages in relationships.

In case of your intimate circle you can freely talk, but in case of social or formal circle practicing firm silence is often more useful than openly expressing your views.

When we are a part of an argument then being silent is display of strength, not weakness, and often it can save us from complications.

Suppose you are a staunch honest guy, who wont mind defending it at any cost, but in today’s world it can make you a hated person if you keep on defending honesty in every circle you move.

Practical step will be keeping your belief to yourself and among trusted persons, when in big crowd practice silence, no matter how much you are provoked.

Being silent is too much of an advantage, first, it keeps your thoughts to yourself, hence it cant be used against you. Second it gives you an impression of strength, in your own circle you will observe people respect silent persons more than they respect chatterboxes. Third it cant be used as a trap against you, if you get involved in arguments easily, that can be used against you by a cunning rival, whereas silence will become golden. We all can easliy guess that if I start to list advantages of silence you will fall asleep by the time I finish.

Its best to use words as weapons not boomerang. Open your mouth not to argue but make a statement.

moulding thoughts

Wise people say we become what we think. With every year added to our mental age we slowly start to realize the truth in these words.

We all have our share of dark days, some times it disperses quickly sometimes it lingers too long. When I was going through such a phase one day I decided that I will mould my thought against dark emotions, make love, peace, harmony and kindness its permanent resident.

I started to work on it slowly, my first goal was to create a reservoir of positive feelings inside me. A reservoir which will not dry up under any circumstances. Now positive feelings too need some thing to hold on, so I zeroed on God. I started to meditate. Just think about God every day without break.

Within two months it started to effect, first went my depression, next anger and frustration. Then slowly peace and affection came back. And stayed. Now I am transformed for better.

In my youth I was extremely unselfish and affectionate but I used to get hurt very easily. Now too I have regained that nature back, but I don’t get hurt when I receive hurt in response to my affection. My regular interaction with God has created that well needed shield.

My mind has successfully started to block all negative thoughts outside my heart and mind sooner or later and bring positive feelings inside.

Friendship musings

Among all human relationships, the most addictive is most probably friendship. Its most unselfish and fulfilling relationship. Those who have found true friends can vow for it. a normal human being tries to find friend in every one/thing.. human beings, nature, God..

A good friend is the best motivator, who will try to bring out the best in you, will never try to steal the wind beneath your wing, and will never be jealous of you.

Such friends are quite hard to find, in long lessons of life we will see that our friends are the ones who take a pirouette all of a sudden. Suddenly turn into our foe, deadliest foe because they know all about us. There can be 101 reasons, starting from ego to jealousy.

But we cant do without them either.. there are a few things one can practice when among friends, till the day you can blindly trust them, don’t share every thing, specially some dangerous secret.

When you have become extremely intimate, never mistreat your friend. Always give him the due respect he deserves. Remember the golden proverb.. being someone’s friend doesnot gives you right to be abusive towards him, it should be other way round, enemies are enough to be abusive and critical, friends should avoid it.

Friendship is must for a healthy living, but we should always be choosy about friends, because our friends tell a lot about us, and our nature is extremely dependent on the friends we keep and mingle with.

After finding a group of the very best friends that can exist (after meeting some true nightmares for years) I will recommend every one to go for FRIENDSHIP WITH CAUTION and LOVE in your heart.

To love your friend with all your heart but keeping in mind, to never abuse him or hand over your death sentence to him unless he is THAT friend.

goodbye hatred

All of us, atleast most of us have faced unjust hostility, enmity or pain from others. Is there a single soul who will say that he has never faced any such situations?

When we face it once or twice its easy to forget. But when we face it time after time slowly our heart hardens. Say for example an extremely beautiful girl faces more than her share of jealousy, hatred and enmity. Does she deserves it? No. Does she likes it? No again.

But if she walks into their provocation and starts to hit them back it will slowly corrupt her nature and people will say that her beauty is only outward.

The best solution is to make herself strong, be so strong that these things don’t make any impact on them. She should be wary of enemies, but should never let them control her life, feelings or emotions. She should be mistress of her own life and leave the decision of punishment on God.

First it wont corrupt her nature, in place of that it will make her a better person. Second, she will control her own life.

Believe me, God’s mill may grind slow, but it grinds sure, and grinds really fine. Its my personal experience, and I have seen it happening too many times.

Never ever let anger, hatred, vengenance or such cruel feelings invade your heart. They are acids, which will slowly erode your heart.