Love and tenderness

Love is tender, because it always gives priority to the feeling of mate. So it wants his comfort more than own comfort.

 

Love is made of tender feelings like forgiveness, tenderness, trust, softness. Real love is always willing to forgive, trust. Till the day that trust is shattered to pieces, but that day love also leaves. Or else it rises above any expectations and touches divine. It lets go even the least expectation from the mate. His betrayal, untrustworthiness no longer matter to her. She loves him just the way he is. But such love is not that common.

 

Love that is not tender and trusting is usually not love, something swinging very close to it but not touching it. It either touches it and becomes complete or dries away with time.

 

No real lover will treat his mate harshly or unkindly, with anger or venom, mistrust or unkindness. When these symptoms start to crop up in some relationship that means love is slipping away from it.

 

People often cling to such relationships to cause themselves greater pain in future.

Love and passion

Passion, romanticism, possessiveness, jealousy…. These all are essential ingredients of a fully bloomed love. Of course human love. There are few people who rise above all these feelings and can love selflessly, I believe in their existence but am yet to meet one. I am quite human, so I will talk about the mortal love not angelic love.

 

These feelings in a controlled and mild dose make love really spicy but if we let them grow they can ruin the love.

 

They are just like grass in a garden, I wont like a garden which has no patch of grass in it. Actually I like gardens which are a mix of natural and human actions. A little touch of nature to feel her grandeur but not too much, because that will choke the delicate plants.

 

Just like that, a little jealousy, a little possessiveness now and then adds the rustic charm to the divine feeling of love. It makes it a little unpredictable, a little fun. But it should never outgrow love itself.

 

Love should be the final say of the relationship.

Love and adjustment

This is the trap where a lot of beautiful relationships fall and die. We think that mutual consent is the end of the struggles of a relationship. Hard days are over, now they live happily ever after. In reality its just the other way round. It is the beginning of adjustments.

 

Two different personalities start to adjust with each other on a day to day basis, or may be on a round the clock basis. They have to adjust to every thing of the other one.

 

If we look at our parents or the earlier generations we will realize that adjustment is not that tough. If both of them try then it can work like magic.  We have to think about the compatibility before starting a relationship, not after going half way through it. Of course if we are the committed type. Non committal persons can walk out of any relationship at any time.

 

If we forget the truth that a relationship is fifty percent love and fifty percent adjustment then we will be soon flying in air without any support underneath.

 

This is one of the main reasons that very passionate relationships often end up in constant frictions. We fool ourselves by not thinking about changing ourselves at all or dreaming that we will change our mate as per our wishes and comfort.

 

Adjustment is the price we pay for true love. The stronger the love is the greater is the desire and determination of adjustment.

Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

Love and money

People often say that money is an important part of life. They often go ahead and preach that once love comes down to harsh reality of daily grind all sweetness evaporates.

 

Is that the truth? If two persons love each other and are completely compatible to each other then their love will survive everything.. I personally believe it from my heart.

 

Of course that love will have to be genuine, deep and mutual. Otherwise the love really will not last the grinds of reality. Then again, how many of the love affairs stand the grind of reality?

 

When I search my own soul the answer is always same, money is not the foundation of successful relationships. Say suppose if I had two choice, one is a person who is rich but does not matches my expectations for a soulmate; the other one is ordinary but compatible to my soul I will pick the second one up without least hesitation.

 

I have seen all colours of life, and after that I have started to believe that money may be need of life, but not essence. Its just the gravy of life, the meat is happiness and satisfaction. So if you are happy and satisfied with a relationship money rarely counts.

Love and looks

It’s a normal human tendency to be attracted to outward covering, a fancy from which I have been luckily spared. Most probably because I am not good looking myself, and have heard too many criticism since childhood. I have stopped judging people by their looks and started to search for inner values.

 

When I mingle with a person I always look for compatibility and then his strength of character. I think these two are more vital for a lasting relationship than bank balance, looks or other things.

 

The same rules apply in case of love too. If I ever take a fancy on a person his looks or money never counts in factors. I count on more dangerous things, nature, character, compatibility…

 

I can understand that its easy to match the criteria of others than mine. I think I am more choosy than them, and my conditions are tougher. Its easy to find a person who looks as good as brad pitt, but to find a person of good character, perfect compatibility is tougher, and equally tough is making them fall in love with you.

 

Hence I cant make up my mind whether or not I will tell others to ignore looks and bank balance. I think we all have our priorities and my priority is soul and personality.