Love and tenderness

Love is tender, because it always gives priority to the feeling of mate. So it wants his comfort more than own comfort.

 

Love is made of tender feelings like forgiveness, tenderness, trust, softness. Real love is always willing to forgive, trust. Till the day that trust is shattered to pieces, but that day love also leaves. Or else it rises above any expectations and touches divine. It lets go even the least expectation from the mate. His betrayal, untrustworthiness no longer matter to her. She loves him just the way he is. But such love is not that common.

 

Love that is not tender and trusting is usually not love, something swinging very close to it but not touching it. It either touches it and becomes complete or dries away with time.

 

No real lover will treat his mate harshly or unkindly, with anger or venom, mistrust or unkindness. When these symptoms start to crop up in some relationship that means love is slipping away from it.

 

People often cling to such relationships to cause themselves greater pain in future.

Love and passion

Passion, romanticism, possessiveness, jealousy…. These all are essential ingredients of a fully bloomed love. Of course human love. There are few people who rise above all these feelings and can love selflessly, I believe in their existence but am yet to meet one. I am quite human, so I will talk about the mortal love not angelic love.

 

These feelings in a controlled and mild dose make love really spicy but if we let them grow they can ruin the love.

 

They are just like grass in a garden, I wont like a garden which has no patch of grass in it. Actually I like gardens which are a mix of natural and human actions. A little touch of nature to feel her grandeur but not too much, because that will choke the delicate plants.

 

Just like that, a little jealousy, a little possessiveness now and then adds the rustic charm to the divine feeling of love. It makes it a little unpredictable, a little fun. But it should never outgrow love itself.

 

Love should be the final say of the relationship.

Love and adjustment

This is the trap where a lot of beautiful relationships fall and die. We think that mutual consent is the end of the struggles of a relationship. Hard days are over, now they live happily ever after. In reality its just the other way round. It is the beginning of adjustments.

 

Two different personalities start to adjust with each other on a day to day basis, or may be on a round the clock basis. They have to adjust to every thing of the other one.

 

If we look at our parents or the earlier generations we will realize that adjustment is not that tough. If both of them try then it can work like magic.  We have to think about the compatibility before starting a relationship, not after going half way through it. Of course if we are the committed type. Non committal persons can walk out of any relationship at any time.

 

If we forget the truth that a relationship is fifty percent love and fifty percent adjustment then we will be soon flying in air without any support underneath.

 

This is one of the main reasons that very passionate relationships often end up in constant frictions. We fool ourselves by not thinking about changing ourselves at all or dreaming that we will change our mate as per our wishes and comfort.

 

Adjustment is the price we pay for true love. The stronger the love is the greater is the desire and determination of adjustment.

Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

Love and money

People often say that money is an important part of life. They often go ahead and preach that once love comes down to harsh reality of daily grind all sweetness evaporates.

 

Is that the truth? If two persons love each other and are completely compatible to each other then their love will survive everything.. I personally believe it from my heart.

 

Of course that love will have to be genuine, deep and mutual. Otherwise the love really will not last the grinds of reality. Then again, how many of the love affairs stand the grind of reality?

 

When I search my own soul the answer is always same, money is not the foundation of successful relationships. Say suppose if I had two choice, one is a person who is rich but does not matches my expectations for a soulmate; the other one is ordinary but compatible to my soul I will pick the second one up without least hesitation.

 

I have seen all colours of life, and after that I have started to believe that money may be need of life, but not essence. Its just the gravy of life, the meat is happiness and satisfaction. So if you are happy and satisfied with a relationship money rarely counts.

Love and looks

It’s a normal human tendency to be attracted to outward covering, a fancy from which I have been luckily spared. Most probably because I am not good looking myself, and have heard too many criticism since childhood. I have stopped judging people by their looks and started to search for inner values.

 

When I mingle with a person I always look for compatibility and then his strength of character. I think these two are more vital for a lasting relationship than bank balance, looks or other things.

 

The same rules apply in case of love too. If I ever take a fancy on a person his looks or money never counts in factors. I count on more dangerous things, nature, character, compatibility…

 

I can understand that its easy to match the criteria of others than mine. I think I am more choosy than them, and my conditions are tougher. Its easy to find a person who looks as good as brad pitt, but to find a person of good character, perfect compatibility is tougher, and equally tough is making them fall in love with you.

 

Hence I cant make up my mind whether or not I will tell others to ignore looks and bank balance. I think we all have our priorities and my priority is soul and personality.

Speech control

Well, though I don’t follow astrology blindly but I don’t feel embarassed to admit that I believe it quite amply and I always check myself.

Leos are infamous for talking too much, talking too much too honestly and bluntly. Fortunately my astro sign is a mix of cautious and sensitive cancer and bold leo. So though I sometimes talk too much but mostly I keep my mouth shut.

My experiences has brought me with too many people who have a strange experties of bringing out the knowledges which serve them, which may be fatal to the speaker though..so many times have I been trapped by these syrupy mouths to say something blunt or suicidal and later regret.

Just wanted to share this thought with you to warn you about these persons who try to dig graves with their tongues.

in the name of love

Even after gracefully crossing my fortieth birthday, this is one thing which surprises me till date.

Love is the most beautiful human feeling, its equated with God, then why do people do the most heinous things in its name? then they give excuses that every thing is fair in love and war. Well, I never believed in that and never will.

If you look around you you will see people killing, cheating, destroying others in the name of love. Is it love? I don’t believe so. To me love means respecting, honoring your mate. Chosing her happiness before yours.. even if it means her being set free. Under no circumstances does love wants to search his her own pleasure. He may walk away from a person if his love is not returned but he will never harass, disgrace or torture her if she refuses to love him.

I believe a huge majority of human beings call lust love. That is the only confusion. If they search their souls they will realize that they are glorifying their lust or passion.

silence talks

We often pick up a belief that to prove ourselves we will have to use words. And in case of arguments or debates these words often become harsh and hurting. Sometimes creating irreparable damages in relationships.

In case of your intimate circle you can freely talk, but in case of social or formal circle practicing firm silence is often more useful than openly expressing your views.

When we are a part of an argument then being silent is display of strength, not weakness, and often it can save us from complications.

Suppose you are a staunch honest guy, who wont mind defending it at any cost, but in today’s world it can make you a hated person if you keep on defending honesty in every circle you move.

Practical step will be keeping your belief to yourself and among trusted persons, when in big crowd practice silence, no matter how much you are provoked.

Being silent is too much of an advantage, first, it keeps your thoughts to yourself, hence it cant be used against you. Second it gives you an impression of strength, in your own circle you will observe people respect silent persons more than they respect chatterboxes. Third it cant be used as a trap against you, if you get involved in arguments easily, that can be used against you by a cunning rival, whereas silence will become golden. We all can easliy guess that if I start to list advantages of silence you will fall asleep by the time I finish.

Its best to use words as weapons not boomerang. Open your mouth not to argue but make a statement.

moulding thoughts

Wise people say we become what we think. With every year added to our mental age we slowly start to realize the truth in these words.

We all have our share of dark days, some times it disperses quickly sometimes it lingers too long. When I was going through such a phase one day I decided that I will mould my thought against dark emotions, make love, peace, harmony and kindness its permanent resident.

I started to work on it slowly, my first goal was to create a reservoir of positive feelings inside me. A reservoir which will not dry up under any circumstances. Now positive feelings too need some thing to hold on, so I zeroed on God. I started to meditate. Just think about God every day without break.

Within two months it started to effect, first went my depression, next anger and frustration. Then slowly peace and affection came back. And stayed. Now I am transformed for better.

In my youth I was extremely unselfish and affectionate but I used to get hurt very easily. Now too I have regained that nature back, but I don’t get hurt when I receive hurt in response to my affection. My regular interaction with God has created that well needed shield.

My mind has successfully started to block all negative thoughts outside my heart and mind sooner or later and bring positive feelings inside.

Friendship musings

Among all human relationships, the most addictive is most probably friendship. Its most unselfish and fulfilling relationship. Those who have found true friends can vow for it. a normal human being tries to find friend in every one/thing.. human beings, nature, God..

A good friend is the best motivator, who will try to bring out the best in you, will never try to steal the wind beneath your wing, and will never be jealous of you.

Such friends are quite hard to find, in long lessons of life we will see that our friends are the ones who take a pirouette all of a sudden. Suddenly turn into our foe, deadliest foe because they know all about us. There can be 101 reasons, starting from ego to jealousy.

But we cant do without them either.. there are a few things one can practice when among friends, till the day you can blindly trust them, don’t share every thing, specially some dangerous secret.

When you have become extremely intimate, never mistreat your friend. Always give him the due respect he deserves. Remember the golden proverb.. being someone’s friend doesnot gives you right to be abusive towards him, it should be other way round, enemies are enough to be abusive and critical, friends should avoid it.

Friendship is must for a healthy living, but we should always be choosy about friends, because our friends tell a lot about us, and our nature is extremely dependent on the friends we keep and mingle with.

After finding a group of the very best friends that can exist (after meeting some true nightmares for years) I will recommend every one to go for FRIENDSHIP WITH CAUTION and LOVE in your heart.

To love your friend with all your heart but keeping in mind, to never abuse him or hand over your death sentence to him unless he is THAT friend.

goodbye hatred

All of us, atleast most of us have faced unjust hostility, enmity or pain from others. Is there a single soul who will say that he has never faced any such situations?

When we face it once or twice its easy to forget. But when we face it time after time slowly our heart hardens. Say for example an extremely beautiful girl faces more than her share of jealousy, hatred and enmity. Does she deserves it? No. Does she likes it? No again.

But if she walks into their provocation and starts to hit them back it will slowly corrupt her nature and people will say that her beauty is only outward.

The best solution is to make herself strong, be so strong that these things don’t make any impact on them. She should be wary of enemies, but should never let them control her life, feelings or emotions. She should be mistress of her own life and leave the decision of punishment on God.

First it wont corrupt her nature, in place of that it will make her a better person. Second, she will control her own life.

Believe me, God’s mill may grind slow, but it grinds sure, and grinds really fine. Its my personal experience, and I have seen it happening too many times.

Never ever let anger, hatred, vengenance or such cruel feelings invade your heart. They are acids, which will slowly erode your heart.

knowledge against offenders

There are a few things which Indian parents often forget to teach the children, and as a result they are either deprived from some great joys or suffer dearly. I have jotted down six of them, and have distributed them in six posts. Even though I don’t and wont have a child of my own, but thought about sharing it with parents:


TWO


Knowledge against pedophile:Almost every day these repulsive news are dished out in media, we all read it, but very rare parents take the necessary actions.


This is one thing Indian parents never share with children and as a result these innocents have to go through hell. Our society does not permits us to discuss every thing with our parents and vice versa. Its not that these parents don’t care about the well being of their children, its just that average indian is too shy in these cases. But being shy can be fatal for the children or worse.Children don’t deserve this, so as an adult its our duty to save them from these things. We cant depend on schools, because the teachers don’t have that much intimacy of thoughts with children, they are usually professional beings, out to earn their bread.


I personally believe every mother should make it her duty to well inform her child about these mentally deranged species, who look and act like human beings but are not. Because the way a mother can care for her child, or the mental intimacy she has with them hardly tallies with any one else. They should clearly train their children, to distinguish different types of touches, and how far can any one go before the child complains to you. Every parent should have a friendly relationship with children, which will encourage him or her to share any thing uncomfortable happening with him or her with you. The mental barrier between your children and you should be completely eliminated. They should feel free to discuss with you everything under the sky.


But don’t count on only that, keep a caring eye on his or her behaviour. Because abused children don’t act normally. They are either suffering from immense guilt conscience, rage, pain or fear.


Its not a thing to be taken lightly, if you will read the surveys it will give you shock, that how some people who look like human beings fail to act like them. So with the present state of society and law and order, its our duty to take care of our children. In place of having blind faith on others that they will protect or teach our children, it should be done by us.

Having faith is essence of happy life but having blind faith on others is often the gateway to hell. As the children are your piece of heart, you should be the one who will be taking care of him. Its better to take the step before its too late.

self defense..a must skill

There are a few things which Indian parents often forget to teach the children, and as a result they are either deprived from some great joys or suffer dearly. I have jotted down six of them, and have distributed them in six posts. Even though I don’t and wont have a child of my own, but thought about sharing it with parents:

Self defense
The need of learning self defense arts may seems unimportant in the eyes of most of the Indian parents. Who somehow have built a strong misconception that nothing can go wrong with children, because no one harms innocent children. They need to snap out of that reverie, its not that thing any more, with the violence on the upward move, and too many provocations, life has become very complex. And mostly the innocent and weak bear the brunt. This harsh truth has been dished out time and time again that innocent, weak and naïve children or people are the main target of bullies.

The second main target of assaulters are women, especially women who go out to do different activities either in isolated areas or at odd hours. Recently I have read a few incidents and articles about harassment, in western countries, where women have the extreme liberty and have to face the extreme violence, they carry few things with them when they are going out at odd hours, simple available things like chilly powder, a bottle of perfume or legal guns which is capable of temporarily paralyzing the offender by giving him a low capacity electric shock. Combination of martial art with one or more of these weapons can give them lot more confidence to move around independently.

In today’s world these are the practical steps for career women in my eyes. As for martial arts, I always suggest my friends who have children to train them with self defense.

Learning self defense skill is full of boons from every angle, in one hand it gives a person the confidence to go out and meet the world without a bodyguard. Which most of the women still prefer to have when they are going out, especially during odd hours. On the other it gives immense physical fitness. I have trained myself to karate classes, could not finish it, but the immense feeling of physical well being that I enjoyed during those years was too self satisfactory.

Its not possible for us to have the luxury of simply playing some game every day, but once we have enough training in martial arts we will feel the inner urge to practice every day from home. Most of the exercises can easily be done from home and independently.

So in gist, one will have the confidence and physical fitness almost free of cost. These institutes charge minimum fees. All we have to do is be careful that the trainer doesnot messes up the muscles and bones, have the license and expertise to understand the correct methods of exercises.

Glow with your own light

We all come across them once in a while, or some of us who like me, grow up in shadow of someone like them. The immensely popular persons the golden divas of our famillies. My elder sibling had all the glitters which a woman should have, only those who were extremely close her could look through it but to others she was the ultimate woman, golden goddess. The perfect woman, who knew how to act like a woman, look like a woman and every thing related to a marvellous woman. She had style, grace in appearance and behaviour.

I natually grew up with her, as I was supposed to becaue she is my sibling, seeing her winning the entire limelight, she was every body’s favourite and I was almost invisible. A position which I liked then and love now. When I became teenager I started to observe the traits which made her popular and saw that she had a natural flair for winning hearts.

I was impressed by what she was but never tried copying her. I let her walk her own way and walked my own. In my life I have never looked down upon what god has given me, and have rarely felt jealous for the blessed ones. There is only one thing I really envy when I see in someone, and that is I envy rabindrasangit singers like shantideb ghosh, kanika bandhopadhyay or my mom, whose rabindrasangit I relish, because this is one thing I always yearned to learn but could not . Rabindrasangit is a special type of music written by Tagore and the music was finalised by he, himself.

As I stubbonly refused to copy her , we are so very opposite that her friends used to tease me, that you don’t have any similarity with her. We look completely diffent and our nature, hobbies, lifestyle are completely different. But its also a big truth that I never felt envy for all the limelight she won, most probably because I am saturnian, I believe in the harvest of hard work. I knew she walks out of her scheduled path to get that much attention and affection, and I just was not interested in winning hearts that much. Because from my very childhood I was blessed with a vision of content and to know where to draw the line beyond which I wont go to pursue a desire. I never wanted to be the one in the limelight, I always preferred selected but trusted friends. I don’t know the reason but I never tried to copy her or became jealous of her. This is why I get surprised when I see people trying to copy someone or become destructively jealous.

When we come across these dazzling characters, or are destined to live with them for years, we should always keep our own entity, and in place of being jealous of them or copy them, we should relish their beauty and grow our own beauty. Moon is beautiful but so are the stars. There are people who love moon as much as they love stars, and there are some who love stars more than moon, like me.

We all love roses and butterflies but do we ever try to become one of them? No. do we get jealous of them? No. Then why not act the same way with human beings too?