When we truly love someone we accept him or her. With his whole being. Don’t try to change him unless its something harmful for him. Even then, the reason for changing is his welfare not our own sake.
I personally think that we can’t change anyone. I have seen too many lovers bitterly accusing each other just because they failed to change the other, or because they are too demanding.
Every human being has a right to be himself or herself. Love means accepting this simple truth. That our lover is not a doll handed out to us, a doll we can dress up the way we want. In that case he will have to be lifeless. Every living being has his own will and ways and he will act as per them. By not accepting we will only cause miseries.
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Dear sister, I think I can't disagree with it.
ReplyDeleteIn particular I liked these words. "don't try to change unless its something harmful for him."
I hope to say more on this post. InshaAllah.
May Allah increase your wisdom. Ameen.
dearest brother,
ReplyDeletei dont really think that i have the right to impose my choices on any one, if i see him doing something harmful to him/society i can point it out to him and request him to change. if he doesnot then i can either accept that truth or walk away from him. what do you say?
with lots of affection,
didi
Dear Sister, I fully agree with your comments above. We humans cannot control each others hearts. We should certainly be aware of this fact that even Prophets of the Creator had no control over their follower's hearts. Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) was unable to change his father's heart. Similarly, Prophet Nooh's peace be upon him) son and even Prophet Muhammad's peace be upon him) uncle did not follow these Prophets.
ReplyDelete[When Abu Talib (Prophet's Uncle) was on his death bed, Allah's Messenger (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) came to him and found with him, Abu Jahl and Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya bin Al-Mughira.
Allah's Apostle (Muhammad PBUH) said, "O uncle! Say:
None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, a sentence with which I will defend you before Allah."
On that Abu Jahl and 'Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya said to Abu Talib, "Will you now leave the religion of 'Abdul Muttalib?"
Allah's Apostle (PBUH) kept on inviting him to say that sentence while the other two kept on repeating their sentence before him till Abu Talib said as the last thing he said to them, "I am on the religion of 'Abdul Muttalib," and refused to say: "None has the right to be worshipped except Allah." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Al Musaiyab (ra)a companion of Prophet Muhammad narrates that following verses of the Quran were revealed on this very occassion:
""Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases, and He knows best the followers of the right way."
(28.56)"
Yes, sister we should be aware of these limits and we should also know that:
We can convey the message but we cannot change hearts.
"O Muhammad (peace be upon him)! Whether We let you see, within your lifetime, a part of what We threaten them with or cause you to die before We smite them, your mission is only to deliver the Message and it is for Us to take accountability."
Dear sister, I've published a post on a similar subject please read that here:
http://www.guidingfriends.com/2010/02/surely-you-cannot-guide-whom-you-love.html
dearest brother,
ReplyDeletei loved the whole piece, these words confirmed my belief:
""Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases, and He knows best the followers of the right way."
(28.56)"
and Shreemadbhagwat geeta says that you should live an exemplary life without expecting any one to follow you, if you are truly an example people will automatically follow you. I also believe it.
I read that post, its fabulous. there are so many things which i love to read in your blog. it always spreads some light in my soul.
with lots of affection,
didi