Spending quality time

Spending quality time with loved ones works in hundred-folds. In today’s career centered world we often shove our family and loved one’s in the back seat. That’s the biggest mistake we can commit. Whereas they are the actual persons we should be holding close. They will act as our cushion, stress-buster and tonic when chips are really down.

Why should we always keep some quality time for our friends and loved ones? There are too many reasons to be shared.

When we are down, our job will not cheer us up. It may temporarily push the gloominess under the burden of work but the moment we will be free the gloominess will resurface. But friends and loved ones will make it disappear.

Loved ones are pillars in our life, pillars that hold it together and don’t cause any harmful side effects. If we think that pleasure bought by money can compensate for friends, then we are wrong. Friends can never be replaced by any thing else but family. But there are certain times when we need both – friend and family.

Therefore, we should be cautious about the time we are spending with our loved ones. And no matter how little it is, if we can make it good, then we will thank ourselves later.

Lover and soulmate

There is heaven and earth difference between them very often. We can always get ourselves a lover. It’s as easy as apple pie. No man or woman on earth is incapable of it. But only blessed beings get blessed with a soulmate.

Soulmate is a person who either shares our vision or accepts us with our vision as he accepts himself. Two souls either merge as one or stay side by side in perfect harmony.

Don’t want to go into details about lovers; everyone knows what a lover is. Even ten year olds can give a vague description of a lover.

Wise people don’t look for a soulmate in their mates, in place of that they just accept each other with all lacking and differences.

People use this term mostly without realizing its inner meaning and as a result are either happily ignorant through out their life or heart broken.

Love and mutual respect

Love never wants its own authority. Its own way or submission of its loved one. Love knows how to respect the identity and freedom of its mate, loved one.

Love can never survive without mutual respect. If both the mates don’t respect each other that relationship won’t last. No matter how deep the passion or love is it will ebb away unless they learn to respect and trust each other.

Mutual respect is foundation of every fruitful relationship. No one can deny this truth.

Before loving a person one should better check if he can respect and trust that person. If he can do these two then love will automatically follow and the relationship will stay. But if there is only love then it will fill up the hearts for a while then slowly ebb away.

meeks rule the world

Bible says meeks inherit the earth, I too believe it now. I have already shared my experience about the friend who left his own home but did not surrendered to evil. The second example is also a friend, this time girl friend, she is a very sweet natured lady, as a result she has been extremely exploited by her own siblings. She stayed single, a little by choice and a little due to circumstances. I have not seen weird people like her siblings.

They have saved a huge amount of money by using her as a free of cost maid.
It will seem as if they had it planned for years that they wont let her pursue any career, nor will they let her get married so they could utilize her toils free of cost. After exploiting her for years they have not been able to make her miserable, despite all the exploitation she has faced, she is gentle, god loving and happy go lucky person, whereas her siblings after usurping her rightful property are forever yearning for more money and live a miserable life. Full of bickering and clashes among themselves and others around them.

These two examples have taught me two things, first is money, no matter how little it is, if it is earned by honest means it gives the greatest satisfaction. Whereas people who earn money by stealing, cheating or other means, they may amass a wealth but they never enjoy it, because they do these things out of nature, and that restless nature never lets them enjoy any thing.

That is why I think people who know the true meaning of happiness don’t haunt for greener pastures, they stay content with their present.

Love and acceptance

When we truly love someone we accept him or her. With his whole being. Don’t try to change him unless its something harmful for him. Even then, the reason for changing is his welfare not our own sake.

I personally think that we can’t change anyone. I have seen too many lovers bitterly accusing each other just because they failed to change the other, or because they are too demanding.

Every human being has a right to be himself or herself. Love means accepting this simple truth. That our lover is not a doll handed out to us, a doll we can dress up the way we want. In that case he will have to be lifeless. Every living being has his own will and ways and he will act as per them. By not accepting we will only cause miseries.

Stress-busters

In today’s highly\ stressed life we all need some stress-busters from time to time. The mean colleagues, moron boss and grumpy fellow commuters, they often get on our nerves and make us wish that we could disappear from the scene of earth.

 

What are your favourite stress busters? Mine are songs, very light, feet tapping songs which simply snap me out of dullness or irritation. Like: Living La vida Loca” by Ricky Martin.

 

When I am in good mood I prefer songs with depth, like Rabindrasangeet or other songs which have deep inner meanings but when I am bored or stressed I hear things which shake my brain and blow the dust out.

 

Next stress-buster is a good, light movie or video clip. I keep a collection  of small clips, funny and cute. They too always snap me out of stress and sadness.

 

Then is a not very available thing. That is company of children. Small toddlers preferably, the ones who  have just started to explore the world on their own. They are the greatest fun to be around if you know how to handle them. They will always fill up their surrounding with a feeling of “well being”. If we can share their joy in mundane day to day things the life changes for atleast a short span.

 

Final one, even rarer is gardening. I love to care for plants, even though I am not a good gardener but taking care of plants relaxes me a lot.  Tilling the soil, de-weeding, sprinkling water on them to wash away the dust… every thing is soothing to me.

Real winners

Life some times throw some interesting questions at us, we often measure the winning of life’s battles by the mean of material wealth, but is it really so? I personally believe that the final treasure which we amass is in our soul, not in our home, and the former treasure is root of all the happiness in world.

 

I have a friend, he is a very honest guy, honest means those copy book honest, who believe in living an honest life and in protesting wrong things. He lives in a remote town, he tried to stop some illegal things being done in his town by some hot shots backed by political leaders. As a result, they tried to crush him down from every angle, they used to threat him, scandalize him, a couple of time physically abused him, in one word, they tried to make his life a perfect hell, he had to leave the town and settle outside west Bengal to earn is living. But still he protests when he sees some thing wrong, whereas his tormentors often boast that if some one dares to protest them his condition will be like him. But I personally feel that they know that they have lost the battle, their only small win is making that guy leave the town, their boasting is bleak and groundless, because they might have called themselves conquerors if that guy had bowed down before them and accepted their corrupted activities without protest.

 

I have a deep belief in the old saying, that honesty pays. In the long run, it’s the honest people who are happy and satisfied. They may get exploited, bulldozed, hounded, but the amount of satisfaction and inner peace they get is worth the trouble. And I also have started to believe another thing that honest people are most scandalized.

Supporting virtue

I recently read a beautiful quote:

 

Virtue is more persecuted by evil than it is cherished by good.

 

It brought back some old memory in my mind, When I first noted the line in the hit wham song Bad Boys .. “bad boys stay together, never sad boys” I observed with a little amusement that he was speaking the truth. Bad people always band together, whereas virtue suffers alone, because good human beings are so self complete that they often forget to lend their hands to others. As they face all storms of life on their own they presume that every one is capable of doing that.

 

Slowly with maturity I started to notice the almost universal mindset among good persons. They almost never flock together. We can see two or three or four together, but they never flock in huge numbers. Even wnen the virtue is being persecuted in the hands of evil?

 

That day I made up my mind that I will stand beside the virtue, clearly, even if at the cost of wrath of the evil. I will change the only person I can, myself.

 

Its been years since I  promised myself to do my bit when I see evil persecuting virtue, by standing by the virtuous firmly, because I am not much of a protesting type, so I lend my support silently but clearly. Till date I have not regretted my decision for a second.

A thief’s heart

I have read it in too many books and too many stories that I started to test its authenticity from quite an early childhood.

 

It did not took me long to realize its authenticity. A thief’s heart is rarely at rest. It is always afraid, partly because it is scared that the true owner will claim and win the stolen property and partly because he knows that it can be stolen from him too. Its not very tough to steal, any one can do it. People don’t steal because they don’t want to, or their conscience does not allow them do it.  Not because they are incapable of doing it. So his heart is always afraid.

 

Then comes the prick of conscience and the fear of punishment. Greed for more adds up with all these.  At the end if we see the stealing takes its price with interest.

 

Nothing is more peaceful and happy than an easy conscience. Its pockets may be empty but its heart and soul is full, brimming.

Happily childless

I dote after children. Have doted after them since my early childhood because they have brought only happiness in my life. I have once brought up a spitz puppy from one month to the day she died, eleven years later.

 

She brought out the maternal instinct in me and I realized how precious that feeling is, and I realized how precious children are to their parents.

 

Well, very frankly speaking I think I am too independent minded and self respecting to marry as per Indian traditional way and too shy to look for a husband myself so I stayed happily unattached.

 

There was a time, till my mid thirties I guess when I used to pine a little for a child of my own. My own born. Then when I notice the horrible speed at which the atrocity against children is shooting upwards I feel happy that I did not bring a child in this violent world which does not love its offspring. I know very well that I would have doted after him or her too much.

 

Since last five years or so I have thanked God quite a lot that she did not listened to my requests. If I ever long for a child I would rather attach myself to an orphanage.

Expressing love

You know which songs I hate most? The old Hindi movie songs which advocated that true love does not uses tongue or actions to express itself.

 

Come on! How will the other one understand it then? By magic or by thought-reading?

 

I personally believe and will always believe that if you love someone you should always let that person know clearly that you love that person and always will. Of course if you don’t want to lose him. Or else you may hide that feeling and see him walk away forever, thinking he does not means any thing to you.

 

I personally believe that unless the chances of meeting are impossible, any sincere person should express his feelings, and any sincere woman should give clear hints of her feelings to her lover and in case of others she too will act just like a man, express herself. In case of love I can certainly understand feminine shyness.

 

By mentioning the term “chances of meeting are impossible” I wanted to say some relationships just don’t or can’t work out, so its better to hide them, instead of expressing them and acting like a fool.

 

When I was a young girl I used to commute in school bus, there was a senior girl in the bus who had a huge crush on Ravi Shastri; she even used to dream of her. That innocent girl used to share her dreams with everyone who used to laugh at her behind her back. Well, she was a student of school so in her case it was obviously childish but we adults also sometimes fall in love with stars, in those cases I would suggest to not express them. Otherwise, one should express one’s feelings as long as its respectable and respected.

Love and religion

Love knows no chain. True love rises above every obstacle. It’s a bond of hearts and souls. And when two heart and soul are bond together they can overcome any obstacle.

But before starting such a journey one should first search one’s soul. Because difference of belief, faith is the greatest reason behind enmity of men. So we should think really well how much we will be able to respect the faith of our loved one, even if it is exactly opposite to ours. Or if their faith makes them do something which is disgusting in our eyes. Say for example, cow is a very holy animal in Hinduism but most of the other religions allow eating them. No orthodox Hindu will eat cow or eat in a utensil which has cooked cow. Well, this is the only example cropped in my mind.

Though I am not a very orthodox person but I wont eat cow and wont feel really comfortable to eat from a pot which has not been washed after being used to keep beef.

A belief with which we are born is next to impossible to shake off. But if two people love each other they can adjust. I have heard Muslim girls giving up beef or even non veg after marrying vegetarian families or muslim men not eating beef at home after marrying hindu girls. The main point is respect for each other’s faith I believe. In case of religion that faith has to be really firm.

They will have to think what they will do if all of a sudden their people of their religions start to riot with each other.

Love and tenderness

Love is tender, because it always gives priority to the feeling of mate. So it wants his comfort more than own comfort.

 

Love is made of tender feelings like forgiveness, tenderness, trust, softness. Real love is always willing to forgive, trust. Till the day that trust is shattered to pieces, but that day love also leaves. Or else it rises above any expectations and touches divine. It lets go even the least expectation from the mate. His betrayal, untrustworthiness no longer matter to her. She loves him just the way he is. But such love is not that common.

 

Love that is not tender and trusting is usually not love, something swinging very close to it but not touching it. It either touches it and becomes complete or dries away with time.

 

No real lover will treat his mate harshly or unkindly, with anger or venom, mistrust or unkindness. When these symptoms start to crop up in some relationship that means love is slipping away from it.

 

People often cling to such relationships to cause themselves greater pain in future.

Love and passion

Passion, romanticism, possessiveness, jealousy…. These all are essential ingredients of a fully bloomed love. Of course human love. There are few people who rise above all these feelings and can love selflessly, I believe in their existence but am yet to meet one. I am quite human, so I will talk about the mortal love not angelic love.

 

These feelings in a controlled and mild dose make love really spicy but if we let them grow they can ruin the love.

 

They are just like grass in a garden, I wont like a garden which has no patch of grass in it. Actually I like gardens which are a mix of natural and human actions. A little touch of nature to feel her grandeur but not too much, because that will choke the delicate plants.

 

Just like that, a little jealousy, a little possessiveness now and then adds the rustic charm to the divine feeling of love. It makes it a little unpredictable, a little fun. But it should never outgrow love itself.

 

Love should be the final say of the relationship.

Love and adjustment

This is the trap where a lot of beautiful relationships fall and die. We think that mutual consent is the end of the struggles of a relationship. Hard days are over, now they live happily ever after. In reality its just the other way round. It is the beginning of adjustments.

 

Two different personalities start to adjust with each other on a day to day basis, or may be on a round the clock basis. They have to adjust to every thing of the other one.

 

If we look at our parents or the earlier generations we will realize that adjustment is not that tough. If both of them try then it can work like magic.  We have to think about the compatibility before starting a relationship, not after going half way through it. Of course if we are the committed type. Non committal persons can walk out of any relationship at any time.

 

If we forget the truth that a relationship is fifty percent love and fifty percent adjustment then we will be soon flying in air without any support underneath.

 

This is one of the main reasons that very passionate relationships often end up in constant frictions. We fool ourselves by not thinking about changing ourselves at all or dreaming that we will change our mate as per our wishes and comfort.

 

Adjustment is the price we pay for true love. The stronger the love is the greater is the desire and determination of adjustment.

Love and trust

My best friend sent me an sms today, his sms said trust is greater than love and a lot more was added after that to prove the sentence right. I instantly agreed with that.

 

Trust is an necessary ingredient of lasting love. If you want a love to last, there should be a deep trust for the person you love.

 

If you cant trust a person, that love wont last for long, its funny, I always go by this. The friend of mine who sent it to me is one of those rare persons who instantly win trust. Even though we are net friends and have met only twice, yet since the first time I saw him an immense trust was formed, a deep faith which stayed ever since. He is one of those rare persons I can trust with my eyes closed.

 

Love is blind, wise people say that, that is why it needs the walking stick of trust. During all those yearning, quarrel, jealousy and possessiveness only trust can keep two young hearts together.

 

Matured age love usualy doesnot suffers these trials unless they are too passionate. After crossing the warmth of youth, people usually create relationship with trusted people, they first judge whether the person is trustworthy or not, then work toward the relationship. They know that time is too short to keep on experimenting with different types of people, they keep a few, very trusted persons close to their heart and love others unconditionally.

 

After earning wisdom people look for security and trust, they know that if we can trust a person, and feel secured with him, love will automatically burst forth like a fountain. Its just like the birdsong, the moment they feel the surity that sun is just below the horizon, the song bursts forth. Its just like the feeling of warmth that envelopes a cold traveller when he is turning the last turn to his home.

 

Whereas youth first creates relationships then tries to trust that person. As a result he suffers more than matured persons. Youth goes by the outer layering and tries to search the pearl inside that shell later. First he spends his time exploring the oyster, then only with time he ends up with or without the pearl.

 

One thing should always be kept in mind when pursuing any relationship. It can be the relationship with a mate, spouse or friend. That trust is the foundation of any and every true relationship. Its just like the soil, which holds the tree of our life together. Every thing else depends on it.

 

A weak grip of soil will bring down even the most strong and beautiful tree. It will uproot it at the first strong blow of wind. If the soil is poisoned it will poison the tree, in gist, the tree of love or life is fully dependent on soil of trust.

 

So, I think any one who is looking for lasting love, should first try to judge how much trust they have for each other, not passion or attraction.

Love and affection

I think these two are two different feelings altogether, their base may be the same but then like the branches of the same tree they grow up quite differently from each other.

 

In this piece I am using love as romantic love, usually I use love in its wide meaning.. it envelops all the forms of affection.  But here I am talking about the love of mates, spouses and lovers.

 

We become a little choosier when we are looking for a mate I believe, there are a lot of things which we can easily ignore in others but not in our mates.

 

For example a lot of persons will accept an extremely poor person in a lot of other relationships but a loved mate or spouse. That poverty can be of look, intelligence, wisdom or style. One person may accept poverty of intelligence in mate while it can be unacceptable to another, this measurement stick varies from person to person. Let’s just take the example of intelligence. A person may live happily with an unintelligent mother, son, friend or relative happily but may not accept an unintelligent person as a spouse or mate. May rather prefer living a bachelor life than committing to an unintelligent person.

 

I too belong to this category, there are lots of thing which I will happily accept in anyone else but my mate. What is the mystery behind this I wonder!

 

We can lay our affection on everyone but when it comes to love we become choosy. May be it is the animal side of us, which looks for the best mate possible.

Love and money

People often say that money is an important part of life. They often go ahead and preach that once love comes down to harsh reality of daily grind all sweetness evaporates.

 

Is that the truth? If two persons love each other and are completely compatible to each other then their love will survive everything.. I personally believe it from my heart.

 

Of course that love will have to be genuine, deep and mutual. Otherwise the love really will not last the grinds of reality. Then again, how many of the love affairs stand the grind of reality?

 

When I search my own soul the answer is always same, money is not the foundation of successful relationships. Say suppose if I had two choice, one is a person who is rich but does not matches my expectations for a soulmate; the other one is ordinary but compatible to my soul I will pick the second one up without least hesitation.

 

I have seen all colours of life, and after that I have started to believe that money may be need of life, but not essence. Its just the gravy of life, the meat is happiness and satisfaction. So if you are happy and satisfied with a relationship money rarely counts.

Love and looks

It’s a normal human tendency to be attracted to outward covering, a fancy from which I have been luckily spared. Most probably because I am not good looking myself, and have heard too many criticism since childhood. I have stopped judging people by their looks and started to search for inner values.

 

When I mingle with a person I always look for compatibility and then his strength of character. I think these two are more vital for a lasting relationship than bank balance, looks or other things.

 

The same rules apply in case of love too. If I ever take a fancy on a person his looks or money never counts in factors. I count on more dangerous things, nature, character, compatibility…

 

I can understand that its easy to match the criteria of others than mine. I think I am more choosy than them, and my conditions are tougher. Its easy to find a person who looks as good as brad pitt, but to find a person of good character, perfect compatibility is tougher, and equally tough is making them fall in love with you.

 

Hence I cant make up my mind whether or not I will tell others to ignore looks and bank balance. I think we all have our priorities and my priority is soul and personality.

Speech control

Well, though I don’t follow astrology blindly but I don’t feel embarassed to admit that I believe it quite amply and I always check myself.

Leos are infamous for talking too much, talking too much too honestly and bluntly. Fortunately my astro sign is a mix of cautious and sensitive cancer and bold leo. So though I sometimes talk too much but mostly I keep my mouth shut.

My experiences has brought me with too many people who have a strange experties of bringing out the knowledges which serve them, which may be fatal to the speaker though..so many times have I been trapped by these syrupy mouths to say something blunt or suicidal and later regret.

Just wanted to share this thought with you to warn you about these persons who try to dig graves with their tongues.